Out of that Room
by FabledOrange
Summary: Remus Lupin wasn't really one for comfort. But Tonks - she won't really take 'no' for an answer.


"I'm getting worried, Molly."

"There's nothing we can do, dear," said Mrs. Weasley. "There's nothing we can do. It's been really hard for him, to say the least."

"But he's been cooped up in that stupid bedroom for too long!"

"It's best, dear, to leave him alone rather than disturb him."

"But I can't take it anymore! How long is he going to stay as stupid as he is and ignore that there ARE people on the other side of this stupid door?!"

"Tonks, it is better if you keep your voice down."

"I don't give a damn if he can hear me! That is," her voice grew louder. "That is, if he's still alive." I heard a whimper. "Molly," her voice grew quiet. "I just don't understand him."

"Tonks, it's hard to have someone very close to you pass away," explicated Molly. "We're disturbing him. Let's go downstairs and have dinner – I'll bring up his food a while later."

I heard Tonks snort angrily. Well, if you still call that a snort. "If he'll continue this he'll become a prisoner in Azkaban." Their voices were dying away. "Just like _he did, you know? The only thing's missing now's a couple of dementors…"_

"Oh hush. Don't be like that…"

Honestly, I don't see the point why I even bother on listening on their conversations. It's getting quite tiresome, their quibbles and squabbles outside my door, thinking that I can't hear them. Apparently, Sirius's father hadn't constructed this house to be soundproof.

It's always the same thing, over and over and over. Someone would always whisper outside my door after I'd say 'Thank you' that it's not fit for me to stay in this godforsaken room. And that someone was Nymphadora Tonks, my best friend's niece, complaining on how stupid I can get. 

Why can't they just leave me alone? Can't they see my life is not worth living anymore? The love of my life died with her sweetheart, who turned out to be my best friend, at the same time, right before my eyes; the friends I had held dearest to me murdered by Voldemort. I had lost everything I had, and I wasn't able to do anything to prevent those disasters from happening. Sirius was already dead, along with Aurora, James and Lily...it seems inviting, actually, since it seems I was the only one the list was waiting for. 

I should've died instead of them. 

I should've died instead of the two of them.

For if I did, they could've led productive lives without me, started a family with unbelievably good looking (probably too good looking) kids. They'd be that happy wizarding family next door.

But they wouldn't be. For they're dead, or probably alive, not known where they are…probably behind that stupid veil which took their lives. 

"Tonks, no!"

"Kingsley, if he's not going to come out of the stupid room any time soon I'll drag him out of there!"

I heard Kingsley move around to try and restrain Tonks. 

"Don't do this, Tonks!" Kingsley grunted. "Why can't you understand that he needs time alone?"

Kingsley was right. Why can't she understand that I need time alone? I heard no reply from the younger Auror; instead, I heard sounds of a struggle outside my door. Shuffling of footsteps…grunts and groans…I presume Nymphadora already had enough.

I simply do not understand her. Sirius _died_, not merely disappear, nor did he travel to a faraway land and won't be back for hundreds of years. How can she be infuriated at me while I sit here by my windowsill all day, all night, and mourn for my loss; for the death of my loved ones? At some point, I even think that she didn't care.  

"What the hell is the matter with you, Lupin?!"

Surprising – she called me by my surname, which indicated she was absolutely irritated. 

"TONKS!" screamed Kingsley. 

"Kingsley, let me go!" Nymphadora screamed back. "I'm not going to leave this door alone until that stupid idiot decides to live his life!"

I heard a loud thud, then Kingsley saying words sternly.

"Fine, Tonks. If you're going to be this stubborn about Remus, then fine. Stay here all night, if you desire." 

He was satirical. After his words I heard him walk away and descend down the staircase, while I heeded no sound from Nymphadora. It was not a matter of mine to worry about what she was doing. 

Seconds turned into minutes whilst minutes turned to hours; and yet no sound was to be heard from the outside of my door. Rain started to spatter against the old tile roof of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, with small drops of water sliding down the glass panel that served as my window. It was strange… 

I stared at my empty mug of coffee. Choosing to bring the mug down to the kitchen (a way to repay Molly for her never-ending kindness), I stood up from my perch and started to walk down to my door. 

"Finally," I heard her say as I opened the door. "Someone decides to leave a room."

"Please, pray tell," I said, as I leaned onto the doorway. "Why the hell have you been disturbing my peace? This is the only thing I have and yet you are so keen on obliterating it." I finished calmly. She looked at me with hateful eyes, glaring at me to the fullest extent that she can. I see no point in glaring at me – I'm not going to melt into a puddle. 

"You call this _peace?" she asked me. _

"I'm afraid it is quite so," I remarked. "Do you have any problem with that, Nymphadora?"

"Lupin," she said, raising herself from the floor, since she was sitting on the floor earlier. "Why can't you just let your feelings out? It's not right of you to stay cooped up in this room." 

"Since when did you care?" I asked spitefully. "This is my way of lamenting over their deaths ― why can't you just accept it?"

"If your way of grieving over them may cost you your life, then I will never accept it."  She stated plainly. "I am not going to let you die." 

'What if I wished to?" 

She glared at me once again. "How dare you say that?"

I raised my eyebrows at her. "What did I say?" 

"Lupin, there are still people who care for you!" she cried to me, giving no care if the other residents of the house were asleep. "Have you ever thought about us?!"

"Why are we going to that aspect of my life, Nymphadora?" I asked as my voice retained its calmness. "Let's go back to the original point of our conversation. _Why can't you just leave me alone?"_

"Because you're going through a tough time, that's why!" she screamed at me, standing up to her full height. "What, did you think that when you're going through something this bad, we'd just abandon you and let you deal with your problems alone?!"

I continued to raise my eyebrows at her, as if her point wasn't important. 

"Lupin, what do you think people are made for?" she asked me quietly. 

"People are made to torture me," I said weakly. "Like you, Nymphadora. You just don't get the point that when people lose their loved ones, they would like to be silent and alone."

"But people are made, Lupin," she took a great deal of breath. "to share the pains you have! Lupin, we don't just sit here all day and make fun of you, because we _don't –!"_

I clenched my fist. Never in my life had I felt this angry at a woman, and as I stared at the metamorphmagus before me my hand continued to shake. The coffee mug beside me started to tremble in my hand; seemingly uncontrollable. How dare she talk to me like she knew everything in the world, like she knew what I exactly felt, like she had gone through what I had gone through?! She hadn't suffered through loving a person who didn't love you back; she hadn't suffered through the loneliness I suffered through; she didn't even have any idea on how hard it is to live my life amidst my complications!

Unconsciously, I have uttered what I have been thinking out loud. They were screams of words that echoed throughout the house, words which started to horrify and terrify a twenty-year old woman who was standing before me. Uncontrollable rage took control over me, took control so firm that I didn't even know what I was saying. All the grief…all the pain…all the anguish that washed over me…all ebbing away…

All I heard next was a smashing of something ceramic. 

"R-remus…" she murmured as I noticed that her violet eyes were widened to their fullest extent. Her knuckles were pale and almost white, scared to death as the rest of the ceramic cup rattled against the floorboards. Coffee entrails could be seen slithering down the walls of the hallway, and as the candles flickered, my own knuckles turned ghostly white. 

"Tonks?!" I heard Molly cry. Footsteps suddenly rushed to our hallway, members of the Order dressed in their nightgowns and dressing gowns hastening to reach the flabbergasted woman. 

I unclenched my fist. 

And regretfully, I turned away.

And shut the door behind me, ignoring the sounds that came from the other side of the door.

**

Rain…

The rain continued to patter down the rooftop, sliding down glass panels and landing down on the ground below. It wasn't going to stop – I doubt it. It was well past midnight already, probably two or three in the morning, a few hours after Remus threw his mug at me. 

I just hope he'd understand. This is my way of grieving. I vent my sadness out by releasing it into anger instead. I'm not comfortable if I'm sad – I feel more comfortable if it was anger that resided inside of me. We were just the same – I couldn't take it that Sirius died. 

But how come he just didn't understand that we're here for him? We're standing by him to help him recover, to help him through this time of his life… but yet he pays no attention to our attempts to help him. He insists on grieving by himself, thinking that the world had no care for him, whatsoever. 

He had been doing this for a month now, sulking in his room, drinking endless mugs of coffee and hot chocolate to keep him awake, to help him reminisce. It was stupid, if you ask me. He thinks that the world didn't care. Well, Mr. Smarty Pants, I would like to inform you that I CARE. 

This is of no use, anyway. Nothing will get done even if I argue with my mind the rest of my life. So I decided to get up and apologize to Remus.

I arrived at his door.

"Remus…" I asked quietly, knocking softly at the mahogany door in front of me. "Remus? Are you awake?" 

No reply. Deciding that Remus could be asleep, I entered his room without notice, careful not to make a sound.

The room was dark. It was filled with poignant silence, with said silence filling every bit of it. Nothing else made any noise except for the pit-pattering of the rain above us. I smiled weakly.

"Hey," I said to him, even though he was sleeping. I scrunched up my nose and thought real hard; the next thing I knew I was sitting beside him with my natural hair pooled around me. "I'm really sorry about earlier, Remus. I…I guess I just didn't understand it." 

I continued on and on and on, until I was relieving myself of my grief and tears started to well up in my eyes. 

**

I opened my eyes blearily, feeling that someone was standing over. It felt so familiar, so natural…like I have been used to it before…

_"Remus? Are you awake?"_

It was unbelievable…absolutely impossible…preposterous…there was no plausible cause on what could bring her back…

She spoke to me again, voice gossamer soft. I kept my eyes partly opened, although probably all she could see was the illusion that my eyes were closed. 

_"Hey, I'm really sorry about earlier, Remus. I…I guess I just didn't understand it." She paused for a while. __"I should've thought that you really needed time alone…. I'm just so sorry…it's just that…I couldn't take it in at first, you know? I couldn't take in the fact that he died. This is my own way of grieving…and I'm sorry if I hurt you in some way."_

Shock ran through me. What was she talking about? If she was alive, then Sirius would be alive too, right? 

Perhaps my mind was playing tricks on me. Probably the grief and the pain…it could've driven me to total insanity, for there was no way that Aurora Callaway would be sitting on my bed. She died, and that was all there to it. 

So I blinked a few times as she turned away. And in an instant, as I blinked for the last time, I realized that she wasn't Aurora. She'll never be; for she was Nymphadora.

Her hair wasn't short and spiky, nor did it shine in the most outrageous of colors. The locks were hued dark brown, reaching down to her waist, flowing like rich silk. Her eyes, brimmed with countless tears, were shaded of no violent hue – they were shaded the warmest of hazel. 

_"I guess this is no use…since probably you don't even hear me, let alone listen to me." I heard her say. After hearing all what she said, I felt ashamed of myself. Who was I to take out my anger and grief on her? It wasn't her fault why Sirius and Aurora died. And yet I shouted and her and made her terrified, just because of my grief. _

_"G'night then, Remus." She told me before standing up to leave. And as she left, I realized something. _

I realized that she was right – that I shouldn't live like this, tormenting my own soul as I continue on grieving for my losses. I should live my life thinking that there were still people around me, people who care…people who wouldn't abandon me. Of course, I knew that she was one of those people, and just because of her, I smiled. 

I cracked a wise smile as she closed the door behind her. She was absolutely right; it was strange to find someone so many years younger than you yet hold so much wisdom. She was beautiful and wonderful at the same time, so caring, so loving, and so selfless at times, even though she could be quite the klutz. 

"Thank you, Tonks."

*

I stopped in my tracks. Did I just hear him say 'Thank you?' Was I wrong? Was I right? I couldn't answer my questions for I only heard his soft voice mutter once and only once. It was a murmur yet it was so clear. And by the time I turned around, I only saw his door closing in front of me, threatening to hit my natural nose. Oh well.

Maybe I was right. Maybe I was wrong. There was no way to clarify my questions, well, unless…he'd come out of that room the next day.

And come out he did. He changed, and happily, for the better. He learned to appreciate life for what it was and what good it brought, not for what disasters came about. 

I stared hopefully at the sky, listening closely to the pit-pattering of the rain that slithered down the glass window. Maybe someday…he'll learn to appreciate life with me.

Out of that Room

A. Pikachu

Author's notes: It's boring and absolutely cliché, I know, I know…but I needed to write a NTRL ficcie! It seemed so right, you know? 

Anyway, if you're wondering, Aurora Callaway's a character of mine that can be found in the fanfic _Why You Annoy Me._ Please, read that too! Ü ü Ü Please, r&r!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ü


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